


Leaving

by zhyn



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhyn/pseuds/zhyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First ever blind_go entry. Ogata deals with the notion of separation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving

"Ogata-san. Hey, Ogata-san." A hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake. He snuggles deeper under the covers. "I have to go, or I might be late for my game."

He opens his bleary eyes. Maybe he is getting too old to fuck someone after a long day. The sunlight streaming through his windows tells the lateness of the hour, and he turns, fully expecting his partner still in bed, grinning cheekily at him. The morning greeting dies on his lips for Ashiwara is fully dressed and fidgeting with his tie.

Instead of asking the question on his mind Ogata says, "What time is it?"

"Uh, it's close to nine. I made breakfast and coffee."

"I'll drive you." Decision made he stands up, putting on the pants he discarded sometime during the night. It would take them half an hour to get to the Institute, and Ogata knows the route like the lines on the board. Ashiwara trails after him to the bathroom.

"But you just woke up, I'll be fine taking the train, really."

"I insist." And his tone allows for no arguments. He strokes a line down the younger pro's cheek, softening his tone. "It's the least I can do."

Ashiwara spins away, saying he needed to check on the toast. Ogata watches him as he leaves, frowning. Ashiwara is an affectionate, and a caress normally leads to a light peck on the cheek and some idle nonsense.

\---

The answering machine greets him when he tries calling in the evening. "Ashiwara here. I'm probably out, so just leave a message."

Ogata ends the call, snapping his cellphone shut. Ashiwara's cellphone must be off, because he isn't replying to any of Ogata's calls and mail. He wonders what Ashiwara is up to tonight.

On his CD player Grace Jones sings out in French, _"Quoi qu'il arrive, je serai toujours avec toi. Alors pars, et surtout ne te retourne pas!"_

\---

_"Darling I, I was a fool and so you used me just like a clown. Oh I just wanted someone to love, so I became a victim for love,"_ the singer croons out, and with a familiarity brought about by his constant listening to the same CDs Ogata translates the lyrics to Japanese in his head.

"Someone from Morishita-san's invited me to celebrate Isumi-kun's becoming a pro. Seems like Waya knows the new shodan from their insei days, and even if they didn't belong to the same study group they probably just needed an excuse to relax." Ashiwara babbles on about his outing as they drive to dinner the next day.

"Hm." Ogata pretends he is disinterested, but he is examining Ashiwara's words and the nuances in his voice. Ashiwara is happy and oblivious to this as always.

" - because he was the only one who lost Saeki paid for the karaoke - " He slips up - his tone as he mentions the other pro's name is affectionate. Ogata nearly drops the cigarette in his hand, his mind in a whirl.

And Ogata silences the ache inside him as Ashiwara tells about the events last night. The one-sided conversation continues and he drives ahead instead of taking the turn leading to his apartment complex. He has to ask Ashiwara to repeat his last sentence, and Ashiwara does so with concern in his eyes.

"Ogata-san, I asked you if we can change the music. I don't understand the song since it's in English. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing." Ogata presses a button and the CD pops out.

"You listen to this singer a lot these days. Isn't she the one from the poster in your apartment? Wait a minute, where are we going?"

"I'm tired, so I thought we could have dinner some other night. I'm driving you home."

"Oh." Ashiwara does not ask, and Ogata does not think he can even answer if Ashiwara did.

\---

He does not call again. When they meet in public sometimes Ashiwara looks like he is mustering his courage to ask what has happened, but Ogata keeps their conversations on conventional channels before finding something to distract the younger pro or leaving on some pretext.

Ashiwara never detains him. He does not cling, and turns his eyes to someone else. Ogata tucks his CDs away in the glove compartment of his car.

Months pass. One day he sees Ashiwara walking in the shopping district, chatting with a pale-haired man close to his age. He doesn't stop to offer a ride.

\---

In the middle of one of their discussions about their individual playing styles, Ashiwara turns to their teacher and says, "If Shuusaku prefers to get black, Ogata-san here wants to take white, all the time. Why's that, sensei?"

His tone is light, but Ogata glances up at the Meijin for his words, curious. The smile hovering at the older man's lips does not surprise him; this is the man said to be closest to God in the go world, after all. But more than being a Meijin, Touya Kouyo is his teacher, and has overseen his progress through many years. what will the Meijin say?

"The cause is Ogata's temperament. He prefers to observe an opponent, and he makes complicated, dangerous moves to learn how they can come up with solutions, but he can play fiercely if the challenge is great. He knows what it is like to be black and always on the offensive, and I don't think he likes that at all. As it is white's position is more difficult - you must play tooth and claw to keep black from taking your lead. Am I right, Seiji-kun?"

He inclines his head at the Meijin's assessment. "Once you get older the people you play against get younger and stronger. Their play is fresh and less polished from what I've developed over the years, but they can be ingenious."

"Hm, so that means Ogata-san thinks I'm stronger?" Ashiwara asks.

"I would let you win against my white, since you're so young," Ogata teases, indulgent, and everyone laughs. Ashiwara flashes a relieved smile at him before joining the laughter.

The discussion took a more general turn, and Ashiwara begins to tease Akira about his last shouting match with Shindou in the go salon. Ogata watches this without a pang. He takes his leave early, and Ashiwara realizes he has to go as well.

"Do you need a ride anywhere, Ashiwara?" He kept his voice neutral when they put on their shoes by the front door.

Ashiwara flushes. "Uh, yeah. But there's no need to give me a lift."

"I'll be glad to, if it's on my way."

"No, I don't think so. I'm meeting one of Morishita's students for bowling." Ashiwara doesn't say who, but his glowing face was answer enough. Ogata nods, understanding.

"I'll see you next time," he says.

"Ogata-san? Are you doing fine?"

"Yes." And he realizes for the first time, that it is true. He is all right. He tells Ashiwara good luck with bowling, and leaves.

When he gets in his car he opens his glove compartment and takes the CDs out. He chooses one, places it on the open CD tray, and selects the track.

_"Kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow. Wish me luck, the same to you - "_


End file.
